sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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