remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
pray to the hookup gods
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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