It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my liver is dry heaving
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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