I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
