When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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