there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize