im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tell your sister to shave her snatch
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
