My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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