I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
