I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
