New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
