That's intense
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
