Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
