dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
