Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
