happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
