I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize