LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
