Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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