my mouth tastes like poor choices
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize