Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
