I wish I could punch you in the face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
