Im at strip club and am horny
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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