what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
