i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
