I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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