Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
