Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
