Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
