if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
