i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
