Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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