So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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