you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
