You just made me feel so damn special
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize