I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
