If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
