chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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