Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
