she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
