she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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