you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
