She announced her abortion via fbk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
