$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
