Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
