"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
