I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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