Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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