i just sent this text using only my big toe
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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