He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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