Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
