He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
