I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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