We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
