Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize