absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
