the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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