a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
