Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
