If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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