i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
