My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
