actually, I'm a sock model
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
