Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
