Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize