I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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