There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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