How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
