just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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