i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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