on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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